snog, marry, avoid. may,corbyn, farage.

Snog, Marry or avoid.

May – Snog

Theres some people who you might sleep with when you were drunk and then sneak away whilst they’re still sleeping, so you don’t have to talk to them the next day and Theresa May is one of those people.

I had a weird crush on George Osbourne. Maybe to some people thats not weird as he’s rich and powerful and not that bad looking but it wasn’t that so much that got my interest  but the video of him gouching out on cocaine during prime ministers questions . It gave him a fallibility that made  him look almost human (Almost) . Also the joke he did during the budget. Not the Facebook meme where he was holding up the budget box and it appeared to have fallen open revealing a collection of butt plugs and gimp masks. (This didn’t happen to my knowledge, well not in public anyway, although who knows what George actually had in his budget box.)

I’d like to think theres at least one extra large butt plug, I mean you cant get all your joy from shafting the poor.That would be a little vanilla. For a Tory.

Back to Geroges budget box joke. He tweeted picture of an empty budget box, which had a cat in it. Like he was saying, theres nothing for you in this budget box poor people, (no dildos this time the shafting was purely metaphorical ) But what do poor people like? Cats. So heres a picture of a cat; poor people. You like cats. Which is quite a funny Tory joke if you avoid the socio/ political context and all the misery and death. Which is why Tories are just a snog, if they’re that awful to people they’ve never met could you imagine the repercussions if you forgot to do the washing up. I think Georges decision to leave the cabinet wasn’t purely political. He’s a natural sub and Theresa May is clearly a top. Grovelling at Mistress Mays feet probably wasn’t something that turned George on, thats sort of thing is best left to the electorate.

Theresa May, she’s quite sexy, for a Tory. Get to snog Theresa May and all your christmas’s or Wintervals have come at once. Now where’s the pan scoured and the vim. I need to scrub myself, I feel so unclean.

Corbyn- Marry

Regardless of what happens within the labour party Corbyn (and everyone that have supported him, which is how he’d want it phrased) Have shifted the parameters of the political debate in this country.

Corbyn is the nominated figurehead for a desire to move politics the limitations of the establishment narrative. Thats the sensible stuff out of the way.

Jeremy Corbyn stint as leader of the current labour party could be likened to a rebound fling with an unsuitable partner after the break up of a more sensible relationship. In terms of labour leader he’s like the boy that your mum would never let you go out with but you eloped with anyway and now you’re pregnant and alone. (Hopefully thats not how the story ends.)

Cameron fucked a pig. Corbyn made love to Dianne Abbott in an Eastern European cornfield. I’m not making cheap jibe by comparing Dianne Abbott to a pig, (honestly I’m not) I’m drawing a parallel a vile and a noble and romantic. (its up to you to determine which is which.)

Making love to Dianne Abott in a cornfield, like Joko’s bed in for peace, even if it didn’t act like that apocryphal butterflies wing, even if it wasn’t that summer of love spirit  that  staved off nuclear winter (for the twentieth century at least) It didn’t harm anybody. Dianne Abbots bum, though big couldn’t have impacted that much on the farmers profit margins.

Corbyn is constantly maligned by his opponents for not supporting trident. Maybe he doesn’t need a nucular big nuclear penis. Maybe he’s comfortable with the size of his penis. It’s not the size of your nucular arsenal that’s important. It’s what you do with it that counts. Decommission  it. Would  be my suggestion.

Maybe the hippies were right? Who wants mutually assured destruction. Mutually assured seduction is a far better idea where no one wants to make the first move because they know that their passions will be too consuming and it is the petty considerations of the ego that will be destroyed rather than humanity. Why are we stockpiling weapons to destroy the human race, to be fair we’re doing a pretty good job without them. All arguments are equivillantly pointless. War never solves anything. Its peace that does that and forget what you were taught in school. The cause of the first world war was that Tsar Nicholas 1 skived on his turn to do the washing up).


Farage. I’ve been out with enough alcoholics to know to avoid Nicholas Farage. If he wasn’t continually drunk he’d do something more worthwhile with his time than leading a neo fascist political party as a front  for his moronic pub-stool political opinions.

He crashed a plane, and somehow survived, probably because he’s so full of wind he acted as his own airbag. The telegraph think Farage should be given a knighthood for “Giving the British people their freedom” A ridiculous statement. Everyone knows that the only reason you get a knighthood these days is because you’re a nonse.  “Give the British public their freedom”. Another meaningless hyperbolic statement from the Brexit stable. It sits beside the phrase “We want our country back” and “Im not a racist I just don’t like Muslims.”

Farage  is better looking, posher and more of a charmer than his predecessor, the boss eyed Nick “poster boy for ethnic purity” Griffin but (and getting back to the tenuous “snog, marry, avoid thread) both ‘men’ have micro penises which is why they hate blacks. Nigel Farage is a very bad lay. He doesn’t know where ‘The Clitoris’ is. When asked about its whereabouts he suggested it was a peninsula in bongo bongo land.

Nigel Farage is not just an idiot. He is the idiots idiot. He is the worse kind of idiot, the paradoxical intelligent idiot. Like Donald Trump. He knows his audience. He knows they are idiots and he doesn’t care. The applause of idiots will do. Like Trump, he knows to win a debate you just need to act like you won. The idiots won’t know any better and they wont care. Like playing chess with a pigeon. Make all the intelligent moves you like but Farage will just strut around and shit all over everything and the idiots will applaud their champion.

When it comes to the question of snog, marry or avoid Farage is best avoided, but if you met him in a pub id imagine he’d be fairly entertaining company for an afternoon. At least he has bothered to have an opinion on something. it gives me something to disagree with.

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